Some people email me from their office, so their email carries a corporate disclaimer. This page preserves some of the more silly excesses of the genre. Genuine contributions are welcome.

For the record, such dislaimers are utterly pointless. Companies never felt the need to attach them to letters, telexes or faxes. However, if companies must impose a disclaimer, 12 words suffice: "For legal purposes, this email is from the person not the company".

The winner so far, and unlikely ever to be beaten. From Baker-Tilly, a firm of accountants. This is the kind of thing that encouraged me to leave the world of office life and do something else. It weighs in at a colossal 384 words.

This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error, please let us know by replying to the sender, and immediately delete this email from your system. Please note that in these circumstances, the use, disclosure distribution or copying of this information is strictly prohibited. We apologise for any inconvenience that may have been caused to you.

Neither Baker Tilly, nor any of its controlled entities, accept any responsibility for the accuracy or completeness of this message as it has been transmitted over a public network. If you suspect that the message may have been intercepted or amended, please contact the sender.

Baker Tilly is registered to carry on audit work and regulated for a range of investment business activities by the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England and Wales. A list of Baker Tilly's partners' names is available at our principal office at 2 Bloomsbury Street, London, WC1B 3ST.

Baker Tilly & Co Limited is ultimately owned by Baker Tilly and is regulated by the Financial Services Authority. It is registered in England and Wales at 2 Bloomsbury Street, London, WC1B 3ST. Company No. 4273907.

Baker Tilly Financial Services Limited is ultimately owned by Baker Tilly and is an Independent Financial Adviser regulated by the Financial Services Authority (FSA). It has authorisation to conduct investment business and is permitted to advise individuals and corporate bodies on life assurance, pensions and investment. It does not hold or control client money or property. It is registered in England and Wales at Carlton House, Grammar School Street, Bradford, BD1 4PH. Company No. 515053.

This e-mail will be printed and retained on your file for future reference.

This email and the information that it contains may be confidential, legally privileged and protected by law. Access by the intended recipient only is authorised. Any liability (in negligence or otherwise) arising from any third party acting, or refraining from acting, on any information contained in this email is hereby excluded. If you are not the intended recipient, please notify the sender immediately and do not disclose the contents to any other person, use it for any purpose, or store or copy the informationin any medium.

From Ins-sure which is, so I'm told, the services arm of Lloyds of London. Not only is this the second largest yet found, it is apparently always capitalised just as you see it here. Line breaks and "let's guess" punctuation all as per the original. Would you buy insurance from a company that can't work out what a 'clause' is or how to use a comma? 167 words.

THE INFORMATION IN THIS E-MAIL AND IN ANY ATTACHMENTS IS CONFIDENTIAL

AND MAY BE PRIVILEGED OR OTHERWISE PROTECTED FROM DISCLOSURE. IF YOU ARE NOT THE INTENDED RECIPIENT AND HAVE RECEIVED IT IN ERROR YOU ARE ON NOTICE OF ITS STATUS. PLEASE NOTIFY THE SENDER IMMEDIATELY BY RETURN EMAIL AND THEN DELETE THIS EMAIL AND ANY ATTACHMENT FROM YOUR SYSTEM. YOU MUST NOT RETAIN, COPY OR USE THIS E-MAIL OR ANY ATTACHMENT FOR ANY PURPOSE, NOR DISCLOSE ALL OR ANY PART OF ITS CONTENTS TO ANY OTHER PERSON:

TO DO SO COULD BE A BREACH OF CONFIDENCE

EMAIL MAY BE SUSCEPTIBLE TO DATA CORRUPTION, INTERCEPTION AND UNAUTHORISED AMENDMENT, AND WE DO NOT ACCEPT LIABILITY FOR ANY SUCH CORRUPTION, INTERCEPTION OR AMENDMENT OR THE CONSEQUENCES THEREOF.

WE MAY MONITOR THE CONTENT OF EMAILS SENT AND RECEIVED VIA OUR NETWORK FOR VIRUSES OR UNAUTHORISED USE AND FOR OTHER LAWFUL BUSINESS PURPOSES. WE DO NOT ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE ARISING FROM A VIRUS IN ANY EMAIL OR ATTACHMENT.

From Credit Trade Limited. Only just beaten by the monstrosity above. Some corporate lawyer or other is probably quite proud of this. May everyone who had anything to do with this soon enjoy some sort of epiphany and get a life. 160 words.

CreditTrade Limited is regulated by the FSA. © CreditTrade 2002. All rights reserved. The information and data contained in this email is provided for the information purposes of the addressee only and should not be reproduced and/or distributed to any other person. It is provided without any warranty whatsoever and unless stated otherwise consists purely of indicative market prices and other information.

Any opinion or comments expressed or assumption made in association with the data or information provided in this email is a reflection of CreditTrade’s judgement at the time of compiling the data and is subject to change. CreditTrade hereby makes no representation and accepts no responsibility or liability as to the completeness or accuracy of this email.

The content of this email is not intended as an offer or solicitation for, or recommendation of, the purchase or sale of any financial instrument, or as an official confirmation of any transaction, and should not be construed as investment advice.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From MacMillan Publishing. From a legal point of view, this one shoots itself in the foot since an employee of the company is, by law, an agent of that company (or may be deemed to be acting as one by any interested legal shark). It's nice of them to state that we only need to virus-scan attachments if there are any, and don't need to bother if there aren't. Otherwise I'm sure we'd all get very frustrated trying to scan the attachments that aren't there. 157 words.

DISCLAIMER: This e-mail is confidential and should not be used by anyone who is not the original intended recipient. If you have received this e-mail in error please inform the sender and delete it from your mailbox or any other storage mechanism. Neither Macmillan Publishers Limited nor any of its agents accept liability for any statements made which are clearly the sender's own and not expressly made on behalf of Macmillan Publishers Limited or one of its agents. Please note that neither Macmillan Publishers Limited nor any of its agents accept any responsibility for viruses that may be contained in this e-mail or its attachments and it is your responsibility to scan the email and attachments (if any). No contracts may be concluded on behalf of Macmillan Publishers Limited or its agents by means of e-mail communication. Macmillan Publishers Limited Registered in England and Wales with registered number 785998 Registered Office Brunel Road, Houndmills, Basingstoke RG21 6XS

From Portfolio Communications, which is a PR company and should therefore know better. Note the inclusion of the switchboard number twice (once not enough?). I also love 'indivdual or entity', which has a nice sci-fi ring to it. 154 words.

This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed.

If you are not the intended recipient or the person responsible for delivering to the intended recipient, be advised that you have received this email in error and that any use of the information contained within this email or attachments is strictly prohibited.

Internet communications are not secure and Portfolio Communications does not accept any legal responsibility for the content of this message. Any opinions expressed in the email are those of the individual and not necessarily those of the company.

If you have received this email in error, please notify Portfolio Communications by telephone on +44 (0)20 7240 xxxx.

Portfolio Communications, Russell Chambers, The Piazza, Covent Garden, London WC2E 8AA

Tel: 020 7240 xxxx Fax: 020 7240 xxxx E-mail: NAME.NAME@portxxx.co.uk

Please visit our group website at www.portxxx.co.uk

From Railtrack PLC. Given the imminent demise of Railtrack, I presume this is shortly to become an historic relic of an ex-company. A worthy addition to the file nonetheless, weighing it at 106 words.

Disclaimer ---

The content of this email (and any attachment) is confidential. It may also be legally privileged or otherwise protected from disclosure.

This email should not be used by anyone who is not an original intended recipient, nor may it be copied or disclosed to anyone who is not an original intended recipient. If you have received this email by mistake please notify us by emailing the sender, and then delete the email and any copies from your system.

Liability cannot be accepted for statements made which are clearly the sender's own and not made on behalf of Railtrack PLC (in Railway Administration).

From ShopSmart. This one is more sensible than many, and was written with some thought. Nonetheless, I love 'E-mail disclaimer' at the start. Presumably the author starts letters by saying 'A letter' or kicks off phone calls with 'This is a phone call'. The 'you must not disclose' phrase reads like a small child sharing a secret in the play ground at school. 94 words.

E-mail disclaimer: This message and any attachments are confidential and may be legally privileged. Any opinion expressed in them may be personal to the author and may not be shared by ShopSmart Ltd. If you are not the intended recipient you must not disclose the contents to any other person. Please delete this message and any attachments if received in error and e-mail the sender or contact ShopSmart Ltd on +44 (0) 20 8 208 xxxx. Thank you. ShopSmart Ltd, Company No: 03711211 Reg. Address: Britannia Business Centre, Cricklewood Lane, London NW2 1DZ

From Barclays Bank. Although admirably brief compared to some monsters of the genre, this is a very curious junk tail and I'd love to have a chat with whoever dreamed it up. It's amazing how much of this can be omitted without changing the meaning one iota. 83 words.

Legal Disclaimer:-

Internet communications are not secure and therefore the Barclays Group does not accept legal responsibility for the contents of this message. Although the Barclays Group operates anti-virus programmes, it does not accept responsibility for any damage whatsoever that is caused by viruses being passed. Any views or opinions presented are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the Barclays Group.

Replies to this e-mail may be monitored by the Barclays Group for operational or business reasons.

And here's an 18 word version which says the same thing:

The Barclays Group disclaims legal responsibility for this message or damage caused by viruses. Replies may be monitored.