Nov 98. Purchase PC from shop of 'friend' down the road. Mistake. PC is total crock which does Evel Knieval-type crash roughly 3 times per hour. Explore all forms of redress. Warranty? Trading standards? Small claims court? Nice letters? Long story short, I'm stuffed. No refund, no answer, no way out. Limp along with crock until...

Sept 00. Purchase absolutely spiffing new PC. Slight problem: lots of data on old crock PC which I now wish to transfer to new PC. Must be a way to do this, right?

29th Oct. Read in Sunday Times of 'DCC' or 'Direct Cable Connection' method for transferring files. Wow! The DCC software is already on both PCs, as it is shipped with Windows 9x (sez article), and all I need is a DCC cable costing 'about a fiver'. Hooray!

31st Oct. Only place near me selling DCC cable is PC World, down the Purley Way south of Croydon. Okay, so they're a total joke company, but hey, it's just a cable, right? Get in car. Go PC World. Buy cable. Seventeen pounds and 99 pence! Back home. Hook up PCs with magic cable. Follow Sunday Times article instructions as if my life depended on it. Result: nothing. No connection, no file transfer, diddley squat zilch.

Go on internet. Find 2 websites packed with DCC info and troubleshooting tips. Print out everything. Try all suggestions. Result: no connection, no file transfer, diddley squat zilch. I have two PCs but only one monitor, so the above involves much back-of-desk hopping about swapping monitor cable over from old to new and back again trying to see what's going on on both PCs. Terribly amusing. Idea. Resurrect antique monitor from ancient computer purchased 1992 and now retired. Spend half an hour getting this to work with crock PC. Now can see both PCs at once. No more cable hopping. Try all DCC stuff once more. Result: No connection, no file transfer, diddley squat zilch.

Check out other websites for help. One offers slightly different approach using DCC cable to 'network' my two PCs. Follow instructions assiduously. Result: first ever irrevocable system crash and freeze on new PC, requiring switch off and reboot and about an hour getting back to where I was  before the crash. No connection, no file transfer, diddley squat zilch.

1st Nov. Download free utility software for setting up and testing DCC connections. Install on both machines. Utility runs like a peach. Tells me there is no connection whatsoever between my two PCs. Utility software prompts various system checks. Have I done this, that and the other? Check everything. Ditto all advice on websites and Windows Help. Result: several crashes, some minor and some major, and... can you guess... no connection, no file transfer, diddley squat zilch.

By this stage I have lashed my two PCs together every possible which way. I have used this port and that port and this configuration and that setup and I have got nowhere. 3am. Notice a minor flaw in DCC cable. Possible source of problem?

Nov 2nd. Back in car. Back to PC World to swap possibly duff cable for replacement. Enter great game of British 'sod the customer' retailing. Join non-moving queue of visibly ageing people returning stuff. At infrequent intervals, PC World oiks saunter past and ignore queue. Some exchange merry banter among themselves. After 20 minutes (no exaggeration) of patient waiting, PC World oik grunts in my direction. Okays the exchange and invites me to go pick a replacement cable while he takes care of the paperwork on his till. I go pick replacement cable. Come back (30 seconds) and PC World oik has vanished. Person behind me in queue reveals oik has waltzed off to some meeting taking place behind nearby Christmas Tree. I go find PC World oik, who grunts at me and wafts me away with his hand. Eventually, he returns and I can depart with my new DCC cable. Total time spent in PC World: approx 35 minutes.

Return home. Antique monitor dies. Spend hour resurrecting antique monitor. Install new magic DCC cable. Try everything every which way once more. Try DCC utility software again. Result: no connection, no file transfer, diddley squat zilch.

One week's effort. 18 quid and lots of petrol. Two DCC cables. One S Times article. Five websites. About 14 hours painstaking work spread over three very late nights. Result: no connection, no file transfer, diddley squat zilch.

So next perhaps I'll try buying a zip drive. Only costs about 180 quid. Why am I telling you all of this? (1) For therapy. It's good to share these things. (2) Useful warnings: (a) if you are ever tempted to link two PCs together using DCC, don't. (b) If you are ever tempted to visit PC World, don't.

Love to  you all,

- Ian