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<>When we got home, I looked at the photos again in better light. I then realised what the problem was...

Every single print measured 5 x 8 inches.

Not 5 x 7, but 5 x 8. Judy even fetched a ruler to confirm it. Every last one of them: 5 inches tall by 8 inches wide.

This was weird and problematic.

Point #1: it seemed likely that entire sections of each image were missing, to accommodate this weird 5 x 8 picture ratio.

Point #2: none of these prints would fit in the 5 x 7 card boxes in which I keep my vast collection.

Point #3: even if I could get a KMart refund, I still had a problem because the negs were now developed. Ordering prints from developed negs is about twice as expensive as just taking an undeveloped film in. As I had seven sets of negs, I faced the prospect of paying a lot of money to get the prints I wanted.

But an even weirder, even less foreseeable twist was on the way.

Attempt #5. On Sunday, Rory, Judy and I returned to KMart with the films and the negs. It was around mid-day. We explained the problem. What we wanted: 5 x 7. What we got: 5 x 8. The Manager could not have been more helpful. 'We'll do them all again, free of charge,' she said at once. 'Come back around 3pm, if that's okay, and they'll be ready.' Perfect! We left the negs and the films, and went off to play elsewhere.

As things turned out, we were only able to get back to KMart about ten minutes before they closed at 9pm. At the 1 Hour Photo place we found the same KMart youth we had dealt with previously. He apologised and said my films were not ready. This was regrettable, since it was now Sunday evening and I was due to fly home the next morning. Time was running out, and the store was closing. I said, 'Okay, just give me the negs and whatever prints have been completed, and I'll sort it all out when I get back to England.'

If you want to play What Happened Next again, now's the time to stop reading and pause for thought.

* * *

To retrieve my negs and prints, we followed the KMart youth around to another part of the 1 Hour Photo stall. The full horror of the situation then became apparent. We saw a 'guillotine'-style cutting/trimming device. Next to it, my stack of photos. In order to turn my 5 x 8s into 5 x 7s, the KMart youth had simply been trimming off the spare inch.

We were appalled. For one thing, we had been led to believe the films were being re-printed at the correct size. Secondly, if the guy had completed the work before we arrived, he would have handed the 'new prints' over and we would have been none the wiser until much, much later on.

Judy took charge, and confronted the manager. It was all rather pointless. The machine, they said, only did 5 x 8 prints. To get 5 x 7s, all they could do was trim the spare inch off. I pointed out that they do offer 5 x 7 prints as a standard option (it's on all their print-order literature). I said that if they can't actually do this they should say so. Everyone agreed that yes, this should have been explained and yes, it was a shame that there was now nothing they could do before I flew home.

KMart offered us two options. They keep the prints and we get a refund, or we keep the prints but no refund. For various reasons, such as wanting to leave at least some souvenir prints with Rory and Judy, I declined the refund. I simply picked up all my negs and prints and left the store. Some of the prints were now 5 x 8, while others were trimmed an inch shorter. Weird.

- - -

Epilogue: Back in England, I took the negs in for processing and got my seven sets of 5 x 7 prints. Expensive, but at least I have my photographs. Meanwhile, back in Providence, Judy pursued the question of compensation (or at least explanation) with dignified tenacity, involving correspondence with KMart and Kodak. Her persistent efforts achieved absolutely nothing. The gist of the response from both companies was, 'Yeah, those machines do 5 x 8 prints, sorry about that.'