I had a Nikon digital camera. I lost the lens cap, so I wanted to buy a replacement.

I phone Nikon. They say, 'Yes, you can buy a replacement lens cap, but you can't get it from us because it's a dealer item.' After some bouncing around Nikon's internal offices, and a few telephone robots, I am given the numbers of nearby Nikon dealers.

14.03.01 I phone dealer #1, Ivor Howell Cameras. None in stock, but happy to order one for me. Man promises to call me back when it comes in.

28.03.01 A fortnight has passed. Having heard nothing, I phone Ivor Howell again. I discover that (a) they don't have my lens cap and (b) they haven't ordered it. Someone explains that a lens cap is a small item, just £5.90, and they can't order small individual items from Nikon. They have to wait until they have accumulated orders equivalent to some set minimum value. I wonder whether to point out that this was not explained before, and I have therefore wasted a fortnight. I decide not to bother.

29.03.01 I go back to Nikon, and explain the problem. They give me the name of a second dealer who, being larger and with a higher turnover of orders, they feel might be better able to help me.

2.4.01 I phone dealer #2, Jessops in Croydon High Street, and speak to a young girl. Happy to take my order, and promises to call me when it's in.

25.4.01 Over three weeks have passed since my call to Jessops. Having heard nothing, I phone them again. Speak to a new person, who explains he doesn't work there all the time but will try to resolve the problem. Much distant chat and rustling of paperwork. Can find no trace of my order. Happy to take my order anew, and promises to call me when it's in.

2.5.01 Having heard nothing for a week, I phone Jessops again. I speak to a new person, Vicky, who sounds sincerely alarmed to hear about the saga to date. She mentions that Nikon have been having some sort of problem with their computerised stock ordering, which may have affected my order. In brisk and efficient mode, Vicky promises to place my order and to call me back when it's in.

9.5.01 Happening to be in the city, I walk past the shop that sold me the camera in the first place. I check, and they don't have any replacement lens caps in stock either, nor have they been able to order any for a while. The woman behind the counter is very apologetic.

4.7.01 Having heard nothing for over two months, I phone Jessops again. I speak to a new person, Adam, who sounds very helpful and good-natured. He is very apologetic about the problems so far. He unearths my order file, and sounds aghast to see how long I have been pursuing this matter. Adam performs a check, and sees they have the lens cap I require in stock. He says he will go and make sure, and call me back when he actually has the item in his hand.

4.7.01 Adam calls me back to tell me they don't have the item in stock, and the stock list must be in error. He is very sorry. He takes my order anew, promises he will mark it as 'urgent'. I ask him if they will call me back when it's in stock. Adam says he won't personally, because he's off on holiday, but that a colleague will.

16.7.01 As no-one has called me (surprise!) I call Jessops again, and am told - gasp! - yes, my lens cap is in stock. Hurrah! Intending to drive round that very day to collect, I ask for directions but the girl on the end of the phone says, 'I don't really know where we are.' I get there anyway, negotiating the traffic horros of Croydon, and buy my precious lens cap.

From 14th March to 16th July, over 4 months. I assume someone at Nikon has responsibility for retail distribution. I'd be fascinated to see the people who didn't get the job.