Here are a handful of things you can buy in Chinatown, San Francisco.

If you have recently decided that what your home needs is one gigantic, staggeringly enormous solid chunk of carved ivory, so massive it warps time and space in the immediate vicinty, you've come to the right place. This little gem was about 10 feet across: 

However, perhaps your tastes are a little less extravagant, and instead you prefer a smaller sample of the sculptural arts? And, this being Chinatown and all, you want something that captures the essence of that mystical Asian land, its history, traditions and culture. Well, look no futher. Here it is! Yes! A carved, enamel-painted 3D version of Leonardo Da Vinci's Last Supper:

Persevering with the theme of authentic Chinese culture, if the 3D Last Supper isn't quite your thing, fear not! There is much else to tempt you! How about this gem for unbelievably good value? You see, you don't just get a figurine of Michaelangelo's David, or a figurine of Michaelangelo, but Michaelangelo actually in the process of carving David... and you can't say fairer than that:

In fact this is my favourite thing from all of Chinatown (and 'thing' is the only suitable word I can think of). If we zoom into Michaelangelo himself for a second, there is much to admire.

There are some who might poke fun at the fact that Michaelangelo is here depicted as a 70s rock star taking the lead in a straight-to-video Jesus biopic. Well, stifle your malignant wit, because it is documented historical fact that this is exactly what he looked like, right down to the 'Chernobyl Plus' tanning sessions and the leather strides. I was particularly enchanted to see that M. is working from a picture book (lower right) which, rather helpfully, depicts the finished item. As for the other book, hovering near M.'s right elbow, you can't see it on here but I promise the lettering on the front indicates that it's an anatomy textbook. Because, you know, he might need to look something up.

I have no idea what the price of this 'thing' was, but scarcely a day goes by that I don't kick myself for not buying it while I had the chance. So if you're reading this and wondering what to get me for my birthday, now you know.

Still not tempted by the souvenir art works of Chinatown? Well, prepare for the last vestige of your resistance to be crushed like a sat-upon ice-cream cone. Grab your credit card, because here it is... the souvenir purchase of your dreams. This gleaming figure looked a bit like Aphrodite, crafted in metals that look like a bit like silver and gold. About 10 ft tall, base included, and they were offering to crate it and ship it anywhere. I took this to mean, "Anywhere just to get it out of our store and out of our sight".

Of course, Chinatown is happy to cater for all budgets. Even visitors of more modest means can take away an authentic souvenir that captures the essence of this, the oldest of civilisations, and sings to the mind, the heart and the memory of a vision that is uniquely Chinese. Yes, for just a few dollars, yours to take away and love forever... an Incredible Hulk doll:

Note the rip holes around the knees - cute touch. There were several millon of these on sale. For the blissfully unaware, this was the summer of a 'major motion picture'   featuring the Hulk character. Incidentally, the movie turned out to be putridly awful, even by the standards of the genre, so I guess quite a percentage of these 'dolls' got pulped. No, hang on, it's books that get 'pulped', isn't it? Well, whatever the equivalent process for dolls is, I bet a lot of that happened.